So how could this happen to me? Here I was a third generation Christian, son and brother of full time ministers, a trained minister working part time as a pastor and yet my world was quietly and gently disintegrating. At the time so many things were not adding up and were falling apart… I was finding more and more that western evangelicalism was a bitter pill to swallow, I was getting frustrated about things that seemed wrong, I felt there were imbalances, injustices and amidst this my personal life was in serious peril. My marriage went through a four-year separation; I resigned as a pastor and was (at last) formally diagnosed with a significant gender ‘disorder’ that had been part of my life since birth.
Where was I to go from there? Whilst all that happened a number of years ago (My wife and I are now back together), the feeling of being ‘out of sync’ has only grown and whilst I could never have guessed that this would happen to me, I am learning to embrace this idea of being ‘un-sync-able’. I don’t really ‘fit in’ or think ‘normally’ but when I look at the life of Jesus for example (amongst other great paradigm blasters) I realise he was out of sync with pretty much everything but his Father. He was at odds with his church, its leaders, its theology and set about to show love and grace to the very people who his church had forgotten. Quite an inspirational dude really.
So enough of this wordy introduction… there’ll be some juicy controversial posts in the future…(eg: “a gay in the life of a minister: a modern day parable” and I’ll include one that gives the basic “Scott White” story …
For now though I’m going to stay UN-SYNC-ABLE, continue to try and make sense of all that is (whilst staying relatively sane) and keep to my life themes of love and grace. Catch you soon… all feedback welcome ☺
To say that you or anyone is UN-SYNC-ABLE to me would say that there is something wrong with you or that you have malfunctioned and for some reason can not make the connection. 'Fitting in' or 'thinking normally' is not being 'in sync', it is being a stereo type human which tends to do as others do and say what others tell them to say - boring.
ReplyDeleteBeing different is what makes us who we are and not 'Hi am Daniel, the same as him'. I know who I am and I am different because God has made me, me. I am different from my father, my brother, my neighbour, my work college, my son and you, because I am me and I am proud to be me and proud to be different. Why I am different and for what purpose I am me, I have no idea, I trust that God does and one day I will find out so I can use it for his glory....Until that day comes I will enjoy being me, if you call that un-sync-able you will find Scott you are not alone.
I look forward to reading your blog.
Daniel
Look forward to what you have got to write Scott!
ReplyDeleteI like your thinking Daniel... I guess it depends on what is out of sync... is it me or the culture I'm in. I wold probably say I'm a bit out of sync (yes a little malfunctioned but created that way) and the world is hugely out of sync. But more on that in coming posts... the blog will spend some time looking at the teachings of Jesus and where 'the wesern church' (generalised) is out of sync.
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